As the weekend comes to a close and as I sit here tonight, for the first time I feel lonely.  I miss not having someone who I love to sit with, talk to, share my day, hold, kiss, laugh or just to be in each others company.  I have always been a very independent person, happy with or without someone and confident and comfortable with who I am.  This isn’t about being alone at all.  After forty-four years, I finally know what it feels like to love and to be loved only to have it all just go away one day, as it never happened. It seems so long ago but it’s only been 9 months.

Is it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before?  If you would have asked me this 3 years ago, my answer would have unequivocally been yes, without a doubt.  Love is a very intense, wonderful feeling.  It is euphoric and a happiness like no other.  To love and to have lost is the most painful heartache that I have ever experienced in my entire life.  To give everything that is you to another person, leaves you very vulnerable to the worst heartbreak anyone could ever imagine.  So, is it worth the risk?

Even though the pain has been crippling leaving too many days to count, I thought I would never make it.  Honestly I didn’t care if I did or didn’t.  I have never felt so alone even though I had family and friends that supported and helped me make it to where I am today.  No one wants to be alone.  It is human nature to want to share your life, you day, the good ones and the bad with someone you love.  God did not intended us to be solitary.  We find comfort and warmth when we have loved ones to share our lives with.

I have been working on a blog about this experience, but it has been difficult.  Having to re-live all the pain and misery has been difficult but I’m working through it, slowly.  As I mentioned before, my goal is to put out a blog at least twice a week, that being Mondays and Fridays.  So I am pushing through and I hope to be back on track.  I hope that my experiences will help and maybe give comfort to others who have had similar events happen to them.  I will continue to work on my blog about depression and will post it as soon as it is completed, but until then, there are many things waiting to be discussed.

I am always open and welcome discussions on this topic or any others so don’t be shy.