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What a difference a year makes….

I have been absent for months now, but there have been some big events with my current situation and a roller coaster of emotions that have followed. That being said, I am in a good place, but still very unsure of my/our future. Hopefully in time, it will be a happy ending.

Well a lot has changed since this time last year. Just over a year ago, I found myself in a deep depression since my husband just left one day went I went to work. It has taken antidepressants, a few therapy sessions, many trips to the gym and several months, but I have gradually gotten back to a “new” normal life without him.

It was not a life that I had ever thought I would be living, but here I was. Afterall, I had found the most wonderful man in the entire world. He was everything I could have ever wanted. After twelve long months, he finally reached out to me. He was in one of his darkest times and I was glad that I was there for him to talk to. Had I not been there, I don’t think he would be here today. We have discussed him coming home, but there would need to be therapy and medication to help move to a more normal life for both of us.

My husband suffers from depression, most likely bipolar depression. Something that he has finally accepted and willing to get help. This is no surprise to me, as I had done research on depression since this whole ordeal began about six to eight weeks after his knee replacement surgery in August of 2016. I have blogged about this in a previous blog.

He has an appointment coming up and we are moving toward a more positive place. We have a long way to go and I don’t know what the future holds for either of us. I have had to push the love and feelings that I have for him so far down so I would no longer feel the hurt. I am still very guarded and have not let and these feelings come to the surface. He has some things he needs to do for himself, but he knows that I am here for him, to support and help him in any way he needs me.

I hope to have a positive update real soon.

family and friends

In The Beginning…

Do you ever wonder what it is that makes life fun and worth living?  This is something I  have thought about and questioned especially over the last several months.  I think about what makes life fun, worth living and enjoyable.  I always come back to the same answers.  Family and friends, the people in our lives that are important to us. They make the things we do fun and exciting. We always look forward to spending time with the special people in our lives.  They are the ones who make us smile, laugh and just bring us joy and a good time.

These people are the ones we love, care about and trust with our most private thoughts. They are also the same people that can hurt, betray, let us down and leaving us wondering why the ones so close to us could hurt us so deeply.  We are so invested in these relationships that when this bond is broken or damaged in any way, it hurts us so deeply.  It causes us sometimes overwhelming pain, sadness, depression, anger and distrust. We trust our family and friends with our most personal thoughts, joys, and concerns.  We are totally invested in our friends and loved ones, or at least we should be.
Not having these people in our lives can make our lives feel lonely with little enjoyment and nothing fun or exciting to look forward to.

We all go through things in our life. Events is what I like to call them.  They are usually life changing in some way, whether it is good, bad, happy or sad.  These events make us stronger although at times it doesn’t seem always be the case.  Leaving us feeling like we are at our lowest and weakest possible point.

I have always been told that God would never give us more that we can handle. There have been many times that I have questioned this as I’m sure many others have as well.  I have even questioned God as to why he would let something bad happen to us.  At times life doesn’t always seem fair and why would God want anyone to feel such hurt, pain and sadness?  It is all part of the journey of life shaping us into who we are. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people.  Each of these events big or small, point us in new and sometimes different directions that we thought we may never find ourselves going.

This is what brought me here today.  Several months ago I found myself in a place I never thought would every happen. It was a huge life changing event.  I found myself  in the darkest, lowest place in my life.  Honestly, it was a place that I thought I would never find my way out of.  It made me realize that sharing my story would not only help me get well, it could possibly help others.